I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
