yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
