i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
