Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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