She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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