Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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