WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
