Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
