idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
