Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
