Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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