and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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