i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
