Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
