Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
