Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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