I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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