i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
