I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
