When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
