Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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