No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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