New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
