guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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