just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
