All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
