bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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