In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
