He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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