she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
tell me about the eggs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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