NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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