guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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