my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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