its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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