so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
