I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
