I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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