you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
