They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
