U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
