check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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