Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
