I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
