Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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