a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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