i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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