i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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