CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
