Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
