dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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